Airstream 3000

"...it goes so heavily
with my disposition that this goodly frame, the
Airstream 3000, seems to me a sterile promontory, this most
excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave
o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted
with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to
me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours."

Can be found: Brighton Centre, Brighton, England
Auto: No
Rating: 5.114/10

Wandsworth Bunny Automatic Hand Dryer

Is this some sort of fucking joke?

Can be found: London School of Economics Student Union, London, England
Auto: Yes
Rating: 8/10

Topline Executive Hand Dryer

Mike Reid reincarnated - gruff, loud, old fashioned and ultimately quite racist.

Can be found: The White Horse, London, England
Auto: Yes
Rating: 4.4/10

Dyson Airblade

"And God said, "Let there be the Dyson Airblade, which will harness cutting edge HEPA filtration technology to blast purified air via a patented digital pulse system at 400mph, using 80% less energy than conventional warm air hand dryers. Let it be stylish and intuitive, made with anti-microbial additives to reduce surface bacteria by 99.9% and be the first hand dryer to meet NSF Protocol P335, so that men may walk upon the Earth with dryer, cleaner, happier hands", and there was the Dyson Airblade. And God saw that it was good."

Can be found: London Victoria Station, London, England
Auto: Yes
Rating: 9.999/10

Initial

Walking into any toilet to see an Initial hooked up to the greasy tiles will never fail to make me smile. Smiling, sadly, is not a recommended activity for a man in a toilet amongst other men (particularly those that don't share my somewhat niche passion for hand dryers), so I normally have to express my happiness later by kissing a black and white photo of Sterling Hayden's face. 

If by some startling example of chance you happen to be in a toilet-room that bears an Initial dryer at the exact same time that I'm standing in the corner, desperately suppressing my nauseous joy by spluttering and shuddering against some cracked-up mirror, please glance in my direction and offer a grin of acknowledgment. It'll make my shitting day. Long live the glorious Initial.

Can be found: The Open House, Brighton, England

Auto: Yes

Rating: 9.12345/10

World Dryer Airforce

Like slicing the skull off a spaceman, sticking your fists up his damn neck-hole and warming your hands over his last gasping throat-gases. Employing the evil, awesome efficiency of the most determined fascist dictators, the Airforce takes the World Dryer to a new realm of drying greatness.

Can be found: Wetherspoons, Brighton, England

Auto: Yes

Rating: 9.74/10

Levanté

Contrary to the instructional diagram on this dryer's housing, a portal by which to contact God this ain't. That said, it is nice. Nice like nice pies is nice. 

Can be found: Withdean Stadium, Brighton, England.

Auto: Yes

Rating: 8.91/10

Power Dri

Stick a knife in your own dumb throat and drive a motorcycle over a cliff, screaming. Or use this hand dryer. It's up to you. 

Can be found: The King and Queen, Brighton, England

Auto: Yes

Rating: 4.66316/10

Dolphin Hot Air Dryer

Who lives in this daft, silver house? A fucking idiot, probably. 

Can be found: The Waggon and Horses, Brighton, England

Auto: Yes

Rating: 3/10